As a seasoned love and life coach with nearly two decades of experience—with the last five years focused specifically on romance—Kari Christensen helps people build relationships rooted in truth, integrity, and soul.
With her background in human behavior and communication, she guides both men and women through dating, commitment, and what she calls “conscious uncoupling” (breaking up after a long-term relationship without marriage). Her approach blends depth, wit, and old-school wisdom.
The Fundamental Truth About Love
During our interview, Kari shared something that has stuck with me: “love is a skill, not just a feeling.” While many of us wait for love to happen to us, she explained that the most fulfilling relationships come when we actively develop the capabilities needed to create and nurture genuine connections.
As Kari referenced relationship therapist Esther Perel‘s wisdom: “love is a verb.” This perspective transforms how we approach relationships. Rather than viewing love as something we simply feel and express, we must recognize it as something we do—actions we take consistently to build and maintain connections.
“The skill of love involves how you show up through your behavior, which continuously builds your relationship,” Kari told me. “It’s a unique recipe that you develop with your partner, specific to the two individuals coming together. No two love stories require exactly the same skills because no two people are identical in their needs and expressions.”
Being Open to Connection
When I asked Kari about meeting new people, she emphasized the importance of being receptive: “If your body language signals that you’re closed off, you’ll struggle to attract people ‘in the wild.’ Opening yourself to new connections isn’t just about looking approachable—it’s about genuinely being open to possibilities.”
She shared a practical example: “You can walk up to somebody and have a pretty shallow conversation in the grocery store. But if you walk up to somebody and make them laugh and make a connection with them, they think you’re extra. And that’s how it starts.”
Timeless Wisdom in Modern Dating
As our conversation turned to today’s dating landscape, Kari observed how dramatically it differs from even twenty years ago. Technology has transformed how we meet potential partners, but this efficiency comes with downsides. The ancient wisdom of taking things slowly has been largely abandoned for quick assessments and rapid decisions.
In truly fulfilling partnerships, as Kari beautifully put it, “one plus one equals four”—the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts. Unfortunately, in our current dating culture, many connections never reach their potential because we’re settling for relationships where one plus one equals maybe one and a half.
Building Your Love Skills
Based on my enlightening conversation with Kari, here are some starting points for developing your own love skills:
- Practice self-awareness about what you bring to relationships
- Learn communication techniques that foster understanding rather than defensiveness
- Develop patience with the process of getting to know someone fully
- Build the capacity to embrace change—both in yourself and your partner
- Cultivate the wisdom to know when to work through challenges and when to walk away
By viewing love as a skill, we take responsibility for creating the connections we desire. We stop waiting for the perfect person to appear and start becoming someone capable of building and sustaining the relationship we want.
As Kari reminded me at the end of our interview: The most beautiful love stories aren’t found—they’re created, one skillful interaction at a time.
You can listen to my and Kari’s full conversation in the player below.